Internet Dating Sites:
On an Internet dating site you can place your ad for free but there is a catch. If someone responds to your free profile, you have to sign up for a monthly service where your credit card is charged once a month until you cancel (some people have reported troubles canceling their membership). I wouldn't be surprised if some online dating sites purposely get people to respond to your ad to hook you into at least a months worth of membership. Is a "low" price of only $9.95 per month ($119.40 a year) really worth it? For men, you're required to reveal your height (but women don't have to reveal their weight-go figure) which gives shorter men a BIG disadvantage since women will not even give a short man a chance. Don't worry, eHarmony comes to the rescue with their relationship matching service that assures you are a perfect match for the same monthly price as other dating sites providing you aren't one of the people who are rejected by eHarmony. eHarmony claims that most of the rejected people are people who lied about their marital status or are simply unsuitable for a relationship. Some groups have accused eHarmony of rejected people for other reasons. Here is an interesting article that appeared in the Los Angeles Times April 26, 2004 and is posted on their own site. What I find interesting is the third paragraph under "The chemistry factor" which says:
"Moreover, people often start out with inherent biases that some services have incorporated into their formulas, because after all, it is a business that aims to satisfy its customers. For example, Eharmony.com only matches women with taller men - because so many women complain if they're set up with shorter men, says Warren. And 25% of men older than 50 say they only want to be set up with "fertile" women - that is, younger women in their 20s and 30s, Warren says."
So what happens if a short guy signs up for eHarmony if eHarmony needs to satisfy their female customers who overwhelmingly prefer tall men? Is the short guy automatically told that they are unable to find a compatible partner for them even if they score well on their relationship compatibility test? Are they allowed to join but never receive any matches even though they are paying to be matched with someone? What if one of the few women who don't care about a guys height signs up? Will they only receive ads for taller men? What if a guy over 50 posts an ad looking for women his age? To satisfy what most older customers want by providing women in their 20s and 30s will a 50 year old guy receive a bunch of matches in their 20s and 30s? What if a woman who is 50 or older signs up? On April 2, 2007 the National Association of Short Statured Adults, inc (NOSSA) demanded a boycott of eHarmony and other groups have sued eHarmony alleging discrimination for various reasons. I'm sorry to drift off the topic of this blog and attack eHarmony but most dating sites including match.com have also developed a "formula" of their own to weed out people they deem non-relationship material. In reality, not everyone rejected by eHarmony and other sites are non-relationship material and just because someone wasn't rejected by a site doesn't mean they are not crazy or that they are any more relationship material than ones who have been rejected. Do you really trust a computer to match you with someone? Have you ever been taken on a wild ride by a GPS device that tells you to exit a highway then make a couple turns then return to the same highway? Have you ever been told to "turn right" where there isn't a road? Hopefully you don't end up in a lake like Michael Scott from The Office episode where he was told to turn into a lake. How about being taken clear across town to the "nearest" freeway entrance ramp when there was an entrance ramp much closer? Computers are a great tool but maybe placing all your faith in what you are told by a computer isn't a good idea-maybe you still have to think for yourself. I've heard plenty of horror stories about people who have been set up by online dating sites with people who are sexual predators, con artists, or have a serious mental illness and these people passed screening from sites such as eHarmony. A lot of people have complained about receiving spam, ads from people trying to get you to join another dating site, and Nigerian scams even on sites with screening tools. Unfortunately more people are relying on sites like eHarmony, Match.com, Chemistry.com, etc to find that special someone which could leave some people who are great people but have a minor flaw such as being short, slightly unattractive, overweight, or have minor depression/anxiety from finding someone since people will pass over their photo/profile or they will be rejected from joining the major online dating sites. After all, beauty is skin deep and is it worth over $100 a year when you might have the same or better luck meeting people in traditional places? I forgot to mention a free dating site called Plentyoffish.com but I mostly received spam and advertisements for pay dating sites. I have never really met anyone from an online dating site mainly because I don't like the idea that I have to join just to respond to a person who may turn out to have no interests in me. They sometimes offer free promotion periods but usually you have to give your credit card number to them and they automatically bill you after the free trial and I'm concerned I will try to cancel but they will not cancel my subscription.
Online Classifieds: Backpage, Craigslist, etc.
Most online classifieds are free for you to post and someone can respond to your ad without paying unlike the Online Dating Sites. Online Classifieds use to include local papers and most Internet Service Providers but a lot of these sites have been taken over by the Online Dating Sites. The most popular online classified site is Craigslist followed by Backpage. Here's a word of warning about these sites: 99% of the responses to your ad will either be spam or a scam! You can do things to weed out spammers and scammers such as placing a message in your ad to put something in the subject line such as "I want to meet you" and delete any responses to your ad that don't have this message in the subject line but spammers and scammers have been known to follow these instructions. Some of the scams you can expect to see are the typical Nigerian Scams and someone from a "cool dating site" who wants you to join this cool site just to talk to them. Another popular scam is where someone responds to your ad and asks you to join a "verification" site before meeting them because they are concerned that you might be one of "those crazies". The verification site wants you to pay a cost up front such as $39.95 or be enrolled in a monthly subscription for $9.95 a month to "prove" you are not one of the crazies. These verification sites operate like dating sites except instead of dating profiles, they have verification profiles. Some of the responses I have received from classified ads have been very interesting. I received a response to an ad I placed from a lady who I think was a prostitute. I asked her for a photo but she never sent a photo and continued asking me if I'm willing to meet her at her place (I was only looking for someone to go to the dinner with). It is a red flag when someone gives you their address before even meeting you in person and it is never a good idea to give someone online your address or meet someone who has given you their address before you even meeting in a public area first! The address she gave me was an area of town known for prostitution so I was a little concerned since she wanted me to come to her place but I wanted to meet her at a local movie theater. I did eventually find a picture of her by typing her first and last name into the local county sheriff's arrest records site to see if she has been arrested in the past 6 months-up came a photo of someone who matched the name, age, and description she gave me of her. It didn't say what she was arrested for or if she was convicted for whatever she was charged with but it sure gave me the creeps. Even if she wasn't a prostitute she could have easily been a stalker, scam artist, or something a lot worse. It is never good when a potential date is listed in the local police arrest records! The only thing worse is to see them listed in another state or the FBI files. Interestingly I received a response to the same ad from a woman who sent me a picture of her and indicated she was interested in meeting me in person. I responded to her and asked about meeting her for dinner but she started telling me that she wanted me to buy photos of her or pay for a webcam session before we meet in person. No thanks, if I wanted to buy pictures or watch someone on a webcam, I wouldn't be placing an ad in the classifieds asking for someone to join me for dinner. Online Classifieds are free to post an ad and respond to an ad but the big disadvantage is most of the people who respond to your ads are spammers and scammers. I can say that I have met some really nice ladies from online classifieds but as I mentioned, I've also met some questionable ladies in addition to the usual spammers and scammers you find elsewhere.
Social networking sites such as Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, etc.
These sites have the advantage that millions of people are members and most people have a profile on at least one of these sites but most people on these sites aren't interested in meeting others in person. Some are married, in a relationship, and have no interests in dating. They are on one of these sites to keep track of friends and family or to follow up on concert announcements from their favorite musical groups. I haven't tried these sites but I would assume that I wouldn't have success. Most of the people on these sites are looking to meet people online, not in person. Posting on a site where few are interested in meeting someone in person for a date is a waste of time in my opinion. Ironically, I did meet someone from one of these sites even though I wasn't on the site to meet a potential date.
Conclusion
Even though I am a computer geek, I do not think the online world is a great place to meet people. I'd stick with the traditional methods of meeting people. One option you may want to try is to find a local group on www.meetup.com. This is a great way to find groups of people in your area who share the same interests as you who meet up once in a while. There are usually singles groups on meetup as well. This offers the advantages of meeting someone in person without facing spammers and scammers. There may be other sites like meetup but I haven't really checked.
